6 Things I Am Thankful for as a Single Mom

During the holidays, I find value in the collective pause to remind myself of things for which I am grateful. The end-of-the-year holiday season is my favorite time of year. The travel, the comfort foods, the family and friend gatherings all bring a certain warmth and cheer. With this in mind, I’m happy to share six things I’m grateful for as a single mom.

1. I Get To Build Traditions with Chosen Family

We are all blessed with family. There is something special about creating bonds that are not forced upon you – they are your choice. I live across the country from my blood relatives, and my son has an extended community of love and support that goes beyond his blood. Growing up as a church kid, I always saw family as bigger than blood. As an only child, I value certain friends as my siblings. My family is expansive; it includes college mates, co-workers turned into best friends, and more. As a result, I often have options for what the holiday season can look like. It can be dinner with family and friends, it can be a travel adventure, holiday festivities with other parents of children my son’s age, or the experience of new traditions such as Friendsgiving.

2. Me Time

The second reason I’m grateful is something many moms struggle with. It took me a little over a year, but I’ve finally found the courage to express when I need a break. As parents, we’re committed twenty-four-seven. There is no time off. We currently have an 80/20 co-parenting schedule. I rarely have weekend time; however, I am blessed with loved ones who I can call and say I need a moment, and they will step in. For the first time in years, I spent this Thanksgiving solo. I cooked my favorite foods and enjoyed a quiet day to myself. It was what I needed it. I know many single mamas (or parents) may not have this luxury. So, I am counting “me time” as something I am truly grateful for. With mommy breaks in mind, another thing I’m grateful for is closely related.

3. Drama Free Co-parenting

I’ll admit my son’s father and I have not always had peace between us, but we have always had peace regarding our child. We share an immense love for Micah and a mutual commitment to creating an environment where he is loved deeply and his parents respect one another. Co-parenting can be rough when you’re working through the grief of things not working out as you planned. I did what many women do: I attempted to stay for the sake of my son and the societal-driven value of a two-parent home. Yet, I recognized that staying in an unhealthy relationship was not what I desired to present my child with either.

Leaving and moving forward has been the best decision. I don’t have baggage or resentment because I did what was best for myself and my son. His Dad and I work through challenges to make things as equitable as possible, and I love that we agree on how we want to raise our child. It’s a gift that we make a great co-parenting team, and I’m truly grateful for that.

4. Where Would I Be Without the Mama-Tribe

Number four on my gratitude list is solidarity. Caregiving of any kind carries weight, alters your life, and requires sacrifice. Honey, let me tell you. There are just certain things you don’t understand until you become a parent. Connecting with other moms has been one of the most rewarding experiences. There is a unique balm in knowing you have other moms in your corner. From venting to playdates and advice on parenting tactics, I’m grateful for my mama friends!

5. Parenthood Social Media

As a first-time parent, everything is new. Every experience is new. Witnessing the challenges and baby milestones I’m experiencing happen to parents everywhere has been wildly affirming. I’m convinced that one of many things that unite people across racial, socioeconomic, and even religious differences is the hard-knock life of parenting. Every day, I see a post that reminds me I’m not alone in something I’ve felt or experienced. And the comments are often the icing on the cake. To parents who candidly share their joys, funnies, and failures, I thank you! Here is a link to one of my favorite funny reels.

6. Loving My Journey

The term “single mom” has an enormous amount of stigma attached to it, especially as a black woman. Early on, I feared what others might say or think. I even had a close family member shun me. However, my journey as a mother has been nothing short of rewarding. I’ve discovered my strength, my capacity for love (because, wow, loving a child expands you), and my ability to forgive. I’ve learned to reclaim the term as something I get to define, not something people can define for me.

For me, the nuclear family is only one option for the way we can raise children. There are other models. I come from a people where raising children was never intended to be solely a two-person responsibility. In indigenous African tribes and African American communities, family encompasses extended family, friends, community members, church members, and more. That’s how I was raised (even in my two-parent home), and I intend to continue that legacy with my son.

One of the beautiful, strange things about being a mother is that you recognize no one will love your child as you do, and what’s been equally important is knowing that there is already a whole community of people who love my son, too. I may be single, but I am certainly not on this journey alone. My little one is healthy, loved, and growing beautifully. And that’s what I am most thankful for of all.