6 Ways to Support Someone With Infertility


How do we thoughtfully support someone with infertility? Infertility can be one of the most isolating struggles we face as women. We shouldn’t do it alone.

When it’s the first time trying to get pregnant, miscarriages after a successful pregnancy, or any other scenario, it’s hard. Hard to explain to friends and family, hard to deal with personally, hard to scroll through social media where it seems everyone is getting pregnant.

How to support someone with infertility

My personal story of becoming a mom is the complete opposite; he was an absolute miracle of a surprise for a woman with an IUD in place. So when a close friend struggled with getting pregnant, I felt like I had no way to help. My Italian instincts said to make a lasagna, but really what else? What could I possibly say or do that could comfort her even a tiny bit when I had no idea what she was going through?

Luckily an amazing network of women shared what they thought, felt, and wished people would have done when they struggled with infertility.

6 Ways to Support Someone with Infertility:

1. Let Her Talk

If she wants to talk about what’s going on, just listen. Don’t interrupt, don’t try to say you understand, just listen. Let her share what she’s going through, what she’s feeling, anything she wants to share.

2. “I Don’t Want To Talk About It.”

Then don’t talk about it. Talk about ANYTHING else. She may need a break from what is consuming her thoughts every other minute of the day. Great conversation starters can be places we wish we had gone on spring break in college, why do Oreos have to have calories, or what movie should you go see together.

3. Do Something Fun

Go To The Movies. Or hiking. Perhaps get pedicures. Or anything that you both enjoy doing together that will keep her busy and feel “normal”. She will always be your friend and a person first (and hopefully a mommy second) so go do things that your friend loves to do.

4. What Not To Say

“It will happen” “Don’t worry” “Just relax” “Well, you can always try again” While all of these are well-meaning statements, the group of moms unanimously said all of these were hurtful in some way. Sometimes saying less is more.

5. Make Connections

Gently offer any resources or connections that you may know about. Maybe there are secret Facebook infertility groups that you can share. Maybe you know someone who went through this and wants to support other women. As much as we want to help, connecting your friend with others who are going through or who have gone through the same struggle may help her to feel less alone.

6. Make A Lasagna

Because who doesn’t want lasagna? There will be some days that she is not going to want to adult and cook dinner so having food in the freezer is amazing. Make small servings of a few favorite meals that freeze well. And maybe a pint of ice cream…

Most of all, just be there to support someone with infertility. Text her, call her, keep reaching out even on the days it may seem she doesn’t want to respond. Let her know you want to be there to help in any way possible.


  1. This is great! Lasagna always helps, right?
    Thank you for researching what a friend might need even though your situation was quite the opposite!

    • Lasagna or ice cream, comfort food does help!

      I was so amazed by all of these strong women who not only shared their advice but also shared their amazing stories of becoming a mom. I hope this article helps anyone looking to support another strong woman.

  2. This is a really helpful list! On the theme of making connections, check out edcjcc.org/familybuilding. We have an event coming up on May 16 to build community and explore options around infertility.

  3. I wish I had read this a few months ago. I was in the same boat as you chicka. But glad for this miracle baby and he will be loved so much.


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