Being a domestic violence survivor is a difficult and traumatic experience that can have long-lasting effects on a person’s life. For me, it was a part of my journey that has shaped the woman I am today. I was in an abusive relationship for several years in my 20s, and during that time, I felt trapped and powerless. My abuser was controlling and manipulative, and he made me feel like I was the problem. And, because of lack of self-worth, I believed him! I thought that if I just tried harder, things would get better. But things didn’t get better. In fact, they only got worse. Years had gone by and I was isolated from my friends and family. I felt like I had nowhere to turn. I was afraid to leave, but I was also afraid to stay.
Domestic Violence Survivor
It wasn’t until I reached my breaking point that I found the courage to leave. I knew that I couldn’t continue living like that, and I knew that I deserved better. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was also the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Now that I am in my 30s, I can see how much I have grown from that dark period in my life. As I look back, I acknowledge the factors that led me to be part of that abusive relationship for so long. It’s not easy to admit, but my low self-esteem and isolation, which were interconnected, were the main contributors. Nevertheless, I am proud to declare that I am a survivor.
I vividly recall the day I learned that I was going to become the mother of a baby girl. While many might consider this a dream come true for a mother, I couldn’t help but worry about the harsh realities that women face in our world today. However, I came to understand that, as her mother, I hold the key to providing my daughter with the love, care, wisdom, unwavering support and all the things that I longed for when I was growing up.
While I recognize that my daughter is currently too young for me to share my own story of being a domestic violence survivor, I am committed to providing her with the necessary tools to build a healthy and fulfilling life, free from trauma and abuse. In an effort to spare her from repeating my past mistakes, there are a few crucial lessons that I hope my daughter can learn from my experiences:
Lesson #1: Value Yourself
I want my daughter to know that she is valuable and deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. She should never settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate her worth.
Lesson #2: Recognize the Signs of Abuse
It is important for my daughter to know what constitutes abusive behavior. This includes physical violence, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and controlling behavior. By recognizing the warning signs of abuse, she can protect herself and seek help if needed.
Lesson #3: Establish Boundaries
In an abusive relationship, boundaries are often violated. As a survivor, I have learned the importance of setting boundaries and sticking to them. As a mother, I have set boundaries with my child and others to protect our time and energy. They are an important part of any healthy relationship. I want my daughter to feel empowered to establish boundaries that make her feel safe and respected.
Lesson #4: Trust Your Instincts
If something feels off in a relationship, it is important to trust your instincts. My daughter should never feel pressured to stay in a situation or relationship that doesn’t feel right, even if there are no obvious signs of abuse.
Lesson #5: Speak Out
I want my daughter to feel empowered to speak out against domestic violence and to stand up for herself and others. By breaking the silence around domestic violence, we can work to create a world where abuse is no longer tolerated.
The final lesson I need her to know is that she will always have a mom that will love unconditionally. Even when she feels that there is no where to turn, she can always turn to me. As a mother and a survivor, these are things I want my daughter to know and I will do everything in my power to support and guider her on her journey.
