Should we have another child? My oldest daughter is almost fully potty trained. My youngest daughter is making gestures like she’s ready to start using the potty. I no longer have to buy formula and my breastfeeding days have long been over. And all we keep hearing is, “so when are you going to give us that boy!?”
My initial thoughts: I wouldn’t mind having a third child. I enjoyed being pregnant. I’ve always wanted to have a big family. But the reality of another daycare bill, buying baby formula, healthcare expenses, time, and my overall peace of mind begins to weigh in.
Don’t get me wrong, kids are an absolute blessing and I’m beyond blessed to have my two girls. But can we be honest, motherhood is a lot of work, costs a lot of money, and requires a lot of time. This world brings many concerns when thinking about bringing a child into it, and the decision should never be taken lightly.
So, how do you really know when and if you should have another child? Here are three questions we have asked ourselves when as we ponder if we are done or should have more.
1. Have the conversation with your spouse/partner
It sounds so simple, but many times, particularly as women, we have this conversation in our minds, and possibly with our friends, but having a real conversation with our spouse is so important. Talk about your true desire or lack of desire to have another child. Be honest when sharing your feelings, but also be open to hearing and listening to what your spouse may feel and desire. (FYI: hearing and listening are two separate things!)
It’s always wonderful when you and your spouse are on the same page, but in the instant that you are not, work to find the peace that keeps you connected. Then revisit the conversation at a later time if needed.
2. Assess your current situation
As you look to make the decision on whether or not to expand your family, take a look at how you are managing your family now. How are you managing childcare, the current inflation cost of everything, and your overall well-being? How will another child affect your household? What life changes and adjustments will you need to make?
Children change everything! Nothing stays the same. Count the cost, not just financially, but mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
3. Make the decision that works best for you and your family
It’s easy for someone to tell you who, what, where, when, and how to do things. But only you know what’s best for you and your family. Should you have another child? Only you and your spouse/partner truly knows. While inflation is real, raising children is scary, fun, exciting, exhausting, but most of all rewarding. Being a mom is such a gift. So whether you choose to have one child, or attempt to populate the world like Nick Cannon, make it YOUR decision. Make it a family decision. Make it a united decision.