January has arrived, which means that people everywhere are promising themselves that things will be different this year. They are planning to make huge changes to their lives based on what they think they should be doing. I generally don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, but I especially don’t believe in traditional resolutions while we are still living in a pandemic after nine traumatic months (and counting).
This is not to say that I don’t believe in making changes in your life. I do believe in change, but I don’t think that people should make large-scale life changes based on an arbitrary date on the calendar. Just because we start writing a new year on our checks (and let’s be real, when do we write checks anymore?), does not mean that we are all of a sudden ready to make a major life change.
Change should come when we are ready. In mid-July, someone may decide that it is time to start saving money or look for a new workout routine sometime in October. Those are decisions we come to because we are ready and when we are ready for change, that is when it will stick. Plus, it takes the pressure off having to know who will be that entire year on the very first day. It means that we can take things on one at a time rather than deciding we are going to be a new person when the clock strikes midnight.
The year 2020 has been so difficult in every way, which is even a better reason to stay away from trying to reinvent ourselves on January 1. Therefore, I propose a different kind of New Year’s resolutions: the Anti-Resolution resolutions.
Be kind to yourself.
I heard a lyric from the Demi Lovato song I Love Me that resonated so strongly. “‘Cause I’m a black belt when I’m beating up on myself, but I’m an expert at giving love to somebody else.” We look at our family and friends and see everything that is good about them. And we love them for who they are and what they can do and help them see the wonderful things that they miss about themselves.
Then we look at ourselves and we are so critical. We are not able to see the strength in ourselves or give ourselves the grace to make a mistake or take a break. I tell my friends all day long to take time for themselves, to take care of themselves. However, I feel guilty for not being productive in a moment of much-needed rest.
Living the pandemic life for the past nine months has had consequences. We are tired, we are scared, we are lonely. If your friend came to you feeling that way, you would be kind and understanding. You would tell her that she is doing an amazing job and those feelings and everything that comes with them are to be expected. Now it is time to tell ourselves that same thing. Be kind to yourself the way you would be to someone you love because ultimately, you need to be someone you love.
Take care of yourself.
Taking care of yourself looks different for everyone. It could be finding a way to get some alone time or more sleep. Or maybe it means ordering takeout more frequently or leaving the laundry unfolded or creating a new exercise routine. What is/are the thing(s) that are making life harder? What are the things that could alleviate some of that burden? No judgment. It is time to take care of ourselves.
And while we are being anti-resolution, a note about exercise. Exercise is not a punishment. It should not be forcing yourself to do something you hate. Exercise is also not something you do to make up for what you ate. You should enjoy what you eat without guilt (another part of taking care of yourself) and you should exercise because it is good for you and makes you feel good. Those two things should not be connected. Let’s change our mentality and our language around this.
There is no one right way to find the movement that feels good and takes care of you. If you hate running, don’t run. Does a ten-minute walk around the block clear your head? Amazing! If nothing sounds good, but you want movement in your life, think out of the box. A good friend told me that the only exercise she ever enjoyed was a Jazzercise class she took in the early 90s. So when she was ready to add exercise to her life, she found the closest thing to that online. Find your Jazzercise.
The Light:
We made it to 2021 and with the vaccine out there, we can see a light at the end of the tunnel — although please don’t be complacent, that light is not close yet. And even when the time comes that the light has arrived, things will not automatically just become easy. There will be new struggles and challenges.
It is for all of these reasons that I propose the anti-resolution resolutions of kindness and caring. You will need them to get through it all. Demi Lovato goes on to say, “I’m a ten out of ten even when I forget.” As you head into this year, don’t forget.
Happy New Year!
