To Motherless Mothers on Mother’s Day

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I joined the club no one wants to be a part of nine years ago, the club of women who lost their mothers too soon. I am a motherless mother. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s always too soon to lose your mom and there is a void that never goes away. But it stings a little extra on Mother’s Day.  While sometimes on Mother’s Day I am hanging by a thread, here are a few things that have helped me cope over the years.

Honor Your Mother

I’ll be honest, on Mother’s Day, I actually want to stay in bed with the covers pulled over my head. But I know that my husband and children have different plans, so I have to rally. I start my Mother’s Day by taking a moment to feel. I cry if I feel like crying. I’ll look at old pictures, and just let myself have a moment. I invite all of the feelings of loss and sadness in so that they don’t come uninvited and unexpected during the day.

Ignore Social Media

I am not typically a jealous person. I can generally scroll through Facebook or Instagram without feeling the slighting twinge of jealousy. But on Mother’s Day, this is utterly impossible for me. I see people tagging their moms in heartfelt posts, complete with multi-generational photos and it’s more than my heart can bear. I’ve stopped torturing myself in this way, I now just take a break from social media during Mother’s Day weekend.

 

Enjoy Your Day

For years, Mother’s Day was about celebrating your mother, but now it’s your turn to be the one being celebrated. This day is about you, so let your partner and your children celebrate you. Maybe that means visiting your mother-in-law to take the focus off of you, or it could mean steering clear of your mother-in-law because she doesn’t spark joy. Communicate with your partner what will make you happy on this day, and try to just enjoy. Being a motherless mother on Mother’s Day will look different for everyone.

I try to remember that my experiences with my mother have shaped the mother that I am today. And with that, my kids love the her in me. So Happy Mother’s Day “Nana in Heaven” and Happy Mother’s Day to all of you.

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